is your mom at the bar?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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