Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
