maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
