Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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