At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
