My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
