# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
