i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize