She's JV to your varsity
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
