Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
