Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i now understand why vodka
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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