HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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