i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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