Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
