Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
