I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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