I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
