Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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