oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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