Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
