my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
