So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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