those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
