The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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