Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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