Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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