It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
