one two three fourrrrnication!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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