where does the pee come out of this thing
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
