yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
