I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize