I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
