You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
