i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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