My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
