dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
