nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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