6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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