im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
