I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
