Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
