Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish you could order shots online.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
