Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
