i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
