goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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