Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
