Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
