i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
