Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
