Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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