Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
