If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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