Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
