literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
