woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You smell like stripper and shame
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
