Where did you get a picture of my penis
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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