C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
