Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
