I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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