Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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