I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
