I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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