Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
