I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
